Normal All Over Again
by Big Spender
Summary: Everything Buffy has ever known falls apart when she allows herself to believe that she really was schizophrenic and succumbs to what she believes is reality.
1. Chapter 1

Normal All Over Again

**Disclaimer: **None of the characters in this story are mine, they all belong to the genius Joss Whedon.

In Normal Again, Buffy is poisoned by a demon and made to believe that nothing in Sunnydale is real and that Buffy is really schizophrenic, but by the end of the episode it is discovered that she really isn't. BUT Imagine this: Buffy decides that she really is schizophrenic and after killing her friends, returns to what she thinks is reality.

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Chapter 1

Buffy sat under the staircase trembling in shock. The floor was covered with the unconscious bodies of her friends and sister. The demon that she had unleashed on them had now escaped without even seeing her petit body as she hid in the shadows of her own house.

'What had she done? It had to be done for her to go on living in the 'real world''

Buffy stood up, a little unstable, stepping over Xander, Willow and then Tara before climbing the staircase. When Buffy got to the top of the staircase she shut the door to the basement behind her and stood for a few minutes looking at the kitchen, just remembering. That was where she put a patch on Angel's wounded stomach, that was where Spike and her Mum had sat just talking all those times and that was where she told her mum she was a slayer… 'slayer..' thought Buffy, ' No! Bad Buffy, those people aren't real, nothing is real, I am not a slayer, I have to take everyone away, so that I wont cant come back to this place, who else … Spike.'

By the time Buffy got to Spike it was well and truly night time so she found him in the cemetery, wondering around, obviously looking for a bit of action with one of the latest creature features.

"Back to normal are we slayer? Ready for another round of 'Kick the Spike'" By now Buffy had stopped walking but Spike continued to advance on her. "Looking for a bit of rough and tumble are we?" When Buffy did not reply Spike softened his approach. "Are you feelin' alright Buffy, you 're looking a bit pale, a bit green around the edges."

"Stop it Spike, don't make this any harder then it needs to be." With this Buffy punched Spike in the jaw who recoiled in shock.

"Have you gone bloody mad? Loopy in the head or something? I was trying to help you. You know, a bit of sympathy and affection."

"I don't want your affection Spike, I just want this over with."

"Could've fooled me, a couple of weeks back you couldn't keep your hot little hands off me. And hold up. You want _what_ exactly to be over with." Spike copped another of Buffy's punches, but blocked a third one that was headed for his nose.

"Everything. I want normalcy in my life again." With this Buffy Swung up her leg and kicked Spike across the face making his lip bleed a little.

"Hang on I thought Willow fixed your little mind game thing." Spike was being careful not to physically hurt Buffy in what appeared to be an extremely fragile state.

"It is not a _GAME_" Buffy kicked Spike so hard in the stomach that he flew up in the air and hit a nearby crypt. Before he had an opportunity to get back onto his feet Buffy went and sat on him and began to punch him continuously. "This fabricated world is the game. How could a world of Slayers and Vampires and magical keys and witches ever be real. How could a world this painful and this heartbreaking be real. In the real world I never would have degraded myself and lowered myself so much by being with you." By this stage Buffy didn't even know wether Spike was conscious anymore, but she continued to hit his limp and lifeless face. She stood up in shock and looked at the bloody mess she created and mumbled "In the real world I would never hurt the people I care about." A tear rolled down her cheek and she walked away.

Buffy found herself in a nearby park and remembered that she had seen Angel with Drusilla here once and another time she was almost staked by a vampire… with her own stake. "Stop it!" she said out loud "It's not real." As she sat herself down on a swing she feltas thoughas thougheverything around her (including herself) were evaporating and before she knew it she found herself on a bed that she recognised as one in a mental institution.

"Oh Buffy, I'm so pleased you've come back!" Buffy's parents rushed to her side and wrapped their arms around her and she found herself being relieved and almost happy.

"Don't worry mum, I'm not going back"


	2. Chapter 2

**Normal All Over Again**

Disclaimer: As much as I wish these characters were mine, unfortunately they do not belong to me, but in fact the almighty Joss Whedon

Chapter Two:

Buffy sat in her nondescript and 'un-homely' room. She had become oblivious to time. She was not aware of how long she had been in the institution that she was now meant to call her home nor could she even say what day of the week it was. All she knew was that the doctor came in the morning with 'medicine'- which she had now realised to be some form of tranquiliser, and then a nurse came in the afternoon. Somewhere in between her parents would visit her, but even this, which had brought her so much joy and comfort in the beginning , now served as little more than another way to fill in the empty monotonous gaps of time.

Essentially she was alone. She had no friends. Not like her Sunnydale friends or her enemies. Even though she had now accepted the fact that they were not real, it did not mean she didn't or wouldn't miss them.

Buffy's thoughts were abruptly interrupted when the door of her room swung open and a man in a white coat walked in. Buffy, slightly taken aback by this entrance, walked from the window she had been staring out of and sat cross legged on her bed. The doctor smiled at Buffy before glancing down at his clipboard.

"Good Morning Miss Summers, how are we feeling today?" The Doctor enquired before looking up from his clipboard

"Where's the other Doctor." Buffy demanded

"He was transferred to Sunnyhell." The Doctor looked up from his clipboard and explained himself when he saw the look of confusion and horror on her face. "Sunnyhill. It's another institution in the local area. It has a bit of a bad rep among a lot of the doctors, hence Sunnyhell." Buffy still looked extremely wounded from the use of the word "Sunnyhell" and the Doctor clearly seeing that continued: "I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you at all."

Buffy pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them and mumbled "No, it's fine, I just… It doesn't matter."

The Doctor evidently eager to move on started up again. "My name is Doctor Sanguine by the way. So tell me, how are you today?" As the doctor asked this his pen was poised and at the ready.

"Everything feels a little muddled. Its…Its hard…everything is so hard. I thought that if I came here that it would be easier, but…" Buffy trailed off, not particularly wishing to continue, but still utterly aware that the Doctor's focus remained on her. The room was filled with an awkward silence and Doctor Sanguine clearly wished that it would end because he spoke, at last.

"Buffy, it will get easier, I assure you. It wont always be like this. You just have to be strong and carry on."

"That's what they always used to tell me. 'Just be strong' or 'I know you are strong'. That's what Giles always used to say. That I was strong…" Tears began down Buffy's cheeks, but she just brushed them away feeling a little embarrassed and self-conscious.

"Physically strong…right? I mean you were…" He looked down at his clipboard unmistakably searching for a word. "…the slayer?"

"_Emotionally_… they said I was _emotionally_ strong." Buffy was clearly slightly insulted by this and continued. "It wasn't like I was just some 2D character in a comic. My life… my delusions, were as real to me as your life is to you. Every sense, every feeling, every moment was so vivid, the fact that it wasn't real wasn't even conceivable."

"Buffy, I understand what you are going through." He saw Buffy look at him with a look incredulity on her face and he went to continue, but she interrupted him. "How could you possibly? My entire life and existence have been undermined. I've been told that everything that I ever thought or thought I knew is wrong."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you Buffy. Look, I just came in here to see how you are going and to check up on you, but clearly you aren't in the mood so I'll come back tomorrow. Well it will be me or one of my interns." Another awkward silence filled the room. "Ahh… Till next time then Buffy." He began to head for the door, but then made one last comment "By the way, I ask that all my patients call me Will… it just seems to roll off the tongue better that's a…"

Buffy had started to mumble into her knees as though she was reeling in shock. "Spike? Everything fits … but its not real? I haven't made any connections in so long? Why now? Its not real. Remember its not real…" Buffy had not realised but the Doctor had made his way over to her side.

"Buffy…" He put his hand out to touch her shoulder as a comfort, but she recoiled instantaneously. His hands and voice were so much like his.

"Spike?" Buffy looked up at the man only to realise that it was not Spike, it was still the doctor. At that moment, for inexplicable reasons, the Doctor felt great compassion and caring for this girl and he knew that he had to help her. If for no other reason except to rid the desperation and pain he had seen in her eyes.

"You aren't to worry, love, I'll take care of things." Buffy nodded at this, but could not bring herself to look up. For, although this man did not look exactly like Spike, he seemed like him in almost every other way possible. The Doctor took a few small steps backwards towards the door as though he did not wish to take his eyes off her before turning around and making his way out of the room.

After the Doctor's visit she felt as though some of the fog that had been accumulating on her brain had lifted. Her thoughts felt a vast deal clearer and not quite as obstructed as it had even just a few hours earlier even with her visit from the Spike look-a-like, which she thought was a little peculiar.


	3. Chapter 3

**Normal All Over Again **

**Chapter 3**

Disclaimer: For the record this is the last time I will say this- These characters are not mine.

To her surprise, Buffy had begun to feel more and more comfortable in her new 'home away from homes'. She had started to talk to more people and found a great deal of reassurance in the fact that she was not the only person suffering. She drew this conclusion with great ease, not only from other patients, but also the people who worked in the hospital. Although many people did not say that their lives were complex and overwhelming, she saw it in their faces and eyes and recognised it to be he same look she saw in her own face in the hospital and at 1630 Revello Drive. After the visit from the faux Spike, her thoughts felt clearer and like her own once again. Her head no longer felt as though hundreds of little people had crawled into it and were all whispering something different. Buffy began to think that this was a cause for concern as she had originally thought that the doctor's visit would create more chaos than ever.

A tiny knock came at the door and a small trolley was wheeled in directly after. Buffy recognised it as one of the nurses called Terry who was generally on the morning shift. She was a voluptuous woman that Buffy always just had the urge to hug on account of her cuddly appearance and her sweet disposition. She had long, shiny blonde hair that always reminded her of her bouncy, golden Sunnydale locks- in comparison to the short unkempt and slightly dirty hair that she now wore.

"Hello Buffy, how are you this morning?" Terry beamed at Buffy whilst sorting through her trolley of drugs and medication. Buffy simply nodded and smiled a little to indicate that things were okay. Terry saw this and laughed "Yeah, it gets a bit like that sometimes doesn't it?" The woman held out some small pills and Buffy automatically walked over as Terry said "You know the drill."

Buffy took the small collection of colourful pills and mumbled "I sure do." Before throwing them into the back of her throat and downed them without water.

"There are some activities today, out in the courtyard. I was just thinking that it would be good for you to get out into some fresh air and maybe meet some of the other patients." The nurse smiled kindly, but Buffy feeling a little awkward found a lovely spot somewhere near her left foot to focus on.

"I dunno, One looney mixing with a whole heap of other looneys. I think I'd rather have another round with Glory, without Olaf's hammer…" Buffy looked up from the fascinating spot on the floor only to find Terry looking extremely confused. "I just don't think it would be a very good idea… that's all."

"It wont just be 'looneys' as you put it. They are mixing patients in from a lot of other wards." Still seeing the unhappy look on Buffy's face she decided that there was no pleasing some people. "You don't have to go, I j-just thought that it would be a good ide…"

From no-where Buffy could hear yelling in the hallway and she recognised it as her parent's voices and she managed to just make out what they were saying:

"Look! If this is to difficult for you maybe we should just come separately. It would be easier for the both of us." Hank's voice was clearly agitated.

"Oh that is so typical. Only thinking about what is best for you. Do you have any idea what that would do to Buffy?"

"Of course I do! Buffy's health is and always has been my number one priority. You know that!"

"Fine." Buffy's mother was clearly trying to calm herself. "Lets just go and see Buffy. And try and contain yourself for more than five minutes." A short pause followed what her mother was saying. "For Buffy's sake." The nurse looked a little awkward as she had also heard everything while hearing the few brief footsteps up the hall, turned around with her trolley and almost collided with her parents at the door. There were a few mumbled apologies with a vast deal of discomfort, but eventually Terry made it to the door, but stopped just as she left. "Don't forget about the activities I told you about, they'll start at around 3ish" With one last smile and glance at Buffy's parents she vanished out through the door way. Buffy realised that her parents had simply walked in as though nothing had happened, clearly thinking that she was ignorant to their little spat. Despite this, she noticed a little tension between her parents that she had not been aware of before.

"How are you feeling today honey?" Buffy's mum hugged her and sat next to her on her bed.

Buffy, a little shaken from her parents argument (as it had been similar to one she had heard them have previously), just shrugged and said "I've been better." Buffy watched her father come up behind her mother and put his hand on her shoulder. To her shock she saw her mother flinch a little. "Well we just want you to focus on getting better." Barely even hearing her dad's comment, Buffy was still transfixed on his hand. She began to wonder wether she had always flinched when he did that, or was it a recent development. It was all as though their break up was happening all over again and it was still as painful as it had ever been. It was still real and raw, even though their break up last time had not been real.

"Are they still treating you well?" Hank enquired moving to the other side of the bed. Buffy nodded and began to think about the hospital staff and she found herself thinking about Doctor Sanguine.

"Did you know I was getting a new doctor?" Buffy's curiosity got the better of her, but all the same her parents weren't in the least surprised by her sudden outburst.

"Of course we did sweetie. We only want the best for our daughter…" commented her father, but was not allowed to finish as Joyce interrupted. "He is meant to be a highly qualified doctor Buffy. He's British, I think he trained at Cambridge."

"British…? No he wasn't, he was American… at least I thought he was." Buffy mumbled, not really speaking to anyone in particular, just thinking out loud.

"Well, he might have grown up in America, I'm not all to sure. I haven't met him yet." Said her mother. Buffy simply nodded, still feeling a little perplexed, everything had become so much more complex of late. Another awkward silence arose, and to end it her mother was clearly searching for something to say. "That nurse who was in here before seemed nice. What was it she was asking you to go to?"

Buffy was a little reluctant to tell her mother about the afternoon plan because she knew that she would want her to get involved even though she did not particularly want to. "Oh, nothing important. The hospital is just holding some afternoon activities for some of the different wards in the hospital, but I don't really want to go, it would just be lame anyway."

"Well this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but I think it would be probably be good for you." All Buffy could think at that moment was how utterly predictable her mother could be at times. She just shook her head and her parents had learnt that there was no point arguing with the 'head shake' because it just wouldn't go anywhere. "Oh, before I forget I bought you some new magazines." Hank pulled out an assortment of her favourite magazines from a plastic bag. "Thanks Dad, these look great. They don't exactly have up to date magazines here at Crazy-People-R-Us. Then again, it's not like I'll actually buy any of the clothes in them so there's not that much of a point."

Her mother took her hand and smiled a teary smile. "Buffy, if you could see how far you have come you would be as amazed as I am…" Her father cleared his throat in the background and Joyce paused a little while she clenched her jaw. "as _we_ are. I mean you are even making whole sentences and everything." She smiled and hugged her mother.

"Well I had better get back to work. The money doesn't earn itself." Her father beamed at her and kissed her on the forehead.

"Yeah me too, sweetheart. We will see you again soon ok hon, okay." Buffy nodded, received one more kiss and watched her parents walk out the door. Once they were outside she listened intently and heard low mumbles. Buffy's eyes began to leak uncontrollably again, but it wasn't until she knew that her parents were out of earshot that she allowed herself to cry. It felt as though it was happening all over again and it was still as painful.


End file.
